Study the Resistance

One of the hardest parts of coaching isn’t helping women figure out what’s wrong.

Usually, they already have a sense.

But it’s the way they’re gripping or guarding the things that need to change that can be a main hindrance to their freedom.

The hard part is helping them become willing to take responsibility, willing to call something what it actually is, willing to address their ways of perpetuating the present problems in their harvest.

A woman is dealing with persistent inflammation, fully aware that certain foods are fueling it, yet unwilling to release them.

Another is stuck in painful relational dynamics, where every attempt at a boundary feels more intolerable than remaining in the dysfunction.

Another is exhausted daily, yet continues to spend evenings in habits that prevent rest and keep her depleted.

Another is trapped in always-never thinking that shapes every area of her life, yet refuses to confront the way her language reinforces it.

Another is experiencing ongoing symptoms, yet resists reducing the environmental and lifestyle exposures contributing to her overall toxic load.

Another was conditioned to be loved through performance, and now lives under constant pressure, still chasing accomplishment and external affirmation even while despising it.

Another is damaging her relationships with her children through favoritism and criticism, yet continues to seek personal validation from the dynamic that is producing the harm.

Another begins pursuit of physical change with intensity and motivation, only to default into burnout patterns and quit as soon as discomfort prevails.

Another desires spiritual depth and closeness with God, yet does not consistently make space for prayer, Scripture, silence, or obedience in daily life.

Another wants relational support and meaningful accountability, yet does not structure her relationships in a way that allows others to have real voice, weight, or authority in her life.

This isn’t criticism.

It’s reality. Many incredible women, worthy of love and honor struggle in these very things, every single day. I am one of them in my own humanness and I am for them in theirs.

Most of us want change without having to disrupt what’s preferred.

We want healing without surrender.

Peace without boundaries.

Transformation without discomfort.

But the things we avoid often tell us exactly where the work needs to begin.

That’s why I spend less time asking, “What are you struggling with?”

And more time paying attention to where the resistance shows up.

The defensiveness.
The minimizing.
The excuses.
The reasons something “won’t work.”
The subjects that get changed as soon as they’re brought up.

Those moments tell me more than the symptoms do.

Because what we protect often reveals what we’re not yet willing to surrender.

And until we’re willing to humble ourselves and address head on the things we’ve built barricades around, real change tends to stay out of reach.

Clarity is often the beginning.

Honesty and humility is what allows it to move forward.